So, First I give you, my UPDATE:
I've sent out some queries to several literary agents and have yet to receive a partial request. Recently, I changed my query to what I feel is better, sadly, I had to be form rejected by all the agents I've already sent a query to in order to realize I needed a better query (Ok, one sent me two short sentences which I'm very thankful for the personal feedback, except it was a contest like deal with a "follow the rules" get feedback guaranteed).
All I want is a, "Your query kinda blew ass and I was turned off by your lack of personal brown nosing." Or perhaps a, "I'm starving, I know I have 10,000 more queries to get to before I can allow myself to sate my hunger, and you query didn't blow my socks off enough for me to give it a chance." I don't need your positive outlook, I'm confident that even dribble can make it to print if the person is persistent enough (not that you would know that and thus have to be careful not to break the hearts of peoples). I'd honestly feel better about getting the below than a form rejection:
Dear Bruce,
Meh.
Signed,
Agent
Can there be a magical section of a query that shows how tempered I am to feedback in correlation to what the agent has typed?
With the presence of said magic button, after you type out your response to my query letter (no matter the length), look at the color of the button (Seriously, as I imagine this, it will take you no longer to type and view button than sticking that form rejection in the email).
If you see the magic button in the green, you have not been too harsh and there is no risk of me jumping off a bridge.
If you see it is yellow, I can handle it, but might shed a tear and take a few shots of alcohol later in the night. The chance I'll "angry monkey from the closet" point at the cat is 100% (but I do that anyways at all my animals)
If you see red, send me a form rejection! There are 3 possible reasons the button will be red. 1) My query blows so hardcore, that even though it was typed up on a computer, you feel compelled to be disgusted on how many trees it could have wasted if given the chance. 2) You (the agent) are either too much of a meanie to relate to people on a human level and/or have been unreasonably harsh. 3) I'm too sensitive and my name being in the public eye will likely lead to me shaving my head, doing a lot of drugs, buying a PT Cruiser with fake wood paneling, and burning my house down via Easy-Bake oven. (Not me so much, but the probability of someone more emotional than myself doing those things if thrown into the spotlight is very likely).
I notice a lot of agents respond to people on Twitter, some even seem to reside on twitter. Should I query via Twitter so I get a real response?
@Agent Thank you for your time and consideration. In the next 211 tweets is my first 5 pages as requested via agency website (32/243)
